I am facing my worst nightmare, and the other parts of my life are going downhill as well.
It’s hard to be happy for long.
I’m listening to a song on repeat.
I read over my previous posts, and there’s an obvious pattern of anger and animosity.
I’m going to change that.
To the girl behind me in Econ:
I cannot believe you are graduating a year early to pursue beauty school. In this economy, you’ll be stupid to reject a year of free public education that can open more doors for you if only you looked.
To the girl with the “appreciate your hairstylist/we’re expensive because we don’t have insurance, vacation days, holidays off, etc”:
Really now. It was your damn fault you quit school to get back to barbering again. You said you were trying to do something with pharmacy studies, but wow. You dropped out of college. You expect good stuff out of not working for it.
These dumb broads keep insisting “I’m not comfortable in my own skin, I’m insecure”, and then they post pictures of themselves.
Make up your mind and stick with it
I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that - I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.Hugh Mackay (via aeloquence)
About mes, descriptions, blurbs.
Here’s a chance for you to give us insight on who you are.
I love the funny or quirky ones, out of the ordinary.
And then you have some people choose some lame ass labels to represent themselves:
“Licensed. Employed. Model. Photography.”
Shit nigga, you just think you’re soooo special, huh?
Self-identification was probably the longest epiphany I’ve had to process growing up. My mother got me involved with Chinese activities: attending a Chinese-dominant elementary school, Chinese school on the weekends, Chinese watercolor painting classes, Chinese instruments and orchestras, eating at Chinese restaurants even though we have Chinese food every night … Chinese this, Chinese that, Chinese everything! Yuck.
Most of the friends and friend circles I had were mainly Chinese. I had an odd year in 6th grade, where suddenly I was friends with white people. Deciding that the differences of lifestyles were too much trouble, I drifted back into hanging out with Asians— hey, at least they weren’t Chinese, right? In the end, I went back to hanging out with Chinese girls, because they was the most “comfortable” people to be around. Ah, middle school: insecurity at its highest.
Until the middle of high school, I slowly got out of the ethnic prison. I had no more time for Chinese school and orchestra, and I quit all the Chinese-dominant clubs I was associated with. I wasn’t denying my culture or ethnicity, but I needed a change: I felt like I was stuck in a world that was holding me back. So I joined an abundance of clubs and associations that had no primary ethnicity, and even though I was very wary of who I was, I unexpectedly grew as an individual.
Now my main homies are a variety of different races (with a handful of Chinese friends). I still embrace my roots proudly and I don’t deny my cultural lifestyle. The absence of ethnicity affiliation was the best remedy to figuring out my self-identity.
You shouldn’t flaunt your flaws, if they are what keeps you from being “happy.” Solving a problem is better than telling everyone about it. You like the attention, but that’s not what you need either.
My pride won’t allow myself to apply for a state university.